Dress Analusis

Till now you might have heard that clothes reflect ones personality.Here’s an interesting forward that claims to reveal your personality traits according to the way you undress. So are you a pealer or a teaser?

Well, the way you undress might just help you discover yourself better. Go on and indulge in self-exploration. Throw, dump, remove, just do your own thing…

1. If you throw your clothes all over the place, you’re a friendly, life-of-the-party type. You are free with your thoughts and opinions, not caring much about what others think of you.

Your parents might think your room looks like a cyclone’s hit it? But it actually represents your happy, individualistic nature! Stay that way!

2. If you remove each piece of clothing and put it away carefully, you are a serious person who likes life to be very calm. You are comfortable with routine work. And you believe that the best way to deal with life’s problems is to prevent them in the first place.

You are a perfectionist. By nature you are quite shy. You’re dependable and sometimes intense. You think carefully before making decisions. You go about your tasks methodically, with concentration.

3. If you take off the shirt, and ten minutes later get around to the pants, you are an extremely self-confident person. You are naturally bright and intellectual.

You are also a deep thinker who loves to ask questions and ponder over the meaning of things.

You hate being rushed and you do not like to be hassled. Usually you like a lot of free time for yourself.

4. If you get out of your clothes as quickly as possible, you are concerned about others and what they expect from you, but you’re worried about your own needs.

You are family-oriented, and stay extremely busy.

You often feel stressed, but most of those heavy expectations come from your own head! Give yourself a break, you don’t have to be perfect!

5. If you take off your rings, earrings, necklace, watch, etc before anything else, you are a warm and sensitive person.

You are considerate and thoughtful, and you give good advice to your friends. You are a natural born romantic.

Helping friends or anybody for that matter is your second nature. You hate liars and you would love the world to become a better place.

6. If you don’t have an undressing routine and you never do it the same way twice, you are a very curious and interesting person. You enjoy a broad range of activities. You take risks and enjoy fun and adventure.

The word monotony cannot dampen your spirits at any cost, as you live life kingsize. Having fun is as much a part of your routine as slogging it out at office.

Some Whacky Quotes

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an
hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT’S
relativity.

- Albert Einstein

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working
the moment you get up in the morning and does not
stop until you get into the office.

- Robert Frost

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.

- Franklin P. Jones

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain
the success of those we don’t like?

- Jean Cocturan

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

- Darrin Weinberg

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful.
It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will
remember you when he is in trouble again.

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.

It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving.

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, didn’t know where to shop.

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Forgive your enemies but remember their names.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Don’t worry that the world ends today, it’s already tomorrow in Australia!

Some Good old Sayings

Really Nice…..

* There are some things that money can’t buy. For everything else, my salary isn’t sufficient!!
* I try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
* They can’t fire me, slaves have to be sold.
* Home is where the television is.
* Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
* Death is hereditary.
* Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
* Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
* When you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.
* Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.
* Well done is better than well said.
* Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
* Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
* You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
* I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
* If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
* Pessimist: A person that looks both ways when crossing a one way street.
* The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an approaching train.
* Where there’s a will there are five hundred relatives.
* I have a drinking problem – I can’t afford it.
* Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go
Wrong that one can’t blame on the government.
* There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
* An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound
Confusing.

And finally

* Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Husband – Wife in strip club

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?”
His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.
“Oh no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”

“She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?”

Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”

sms jokes

January to december
sunday to saturday
Am to Pm
My feelings for u have never changed…….
u….
R….
always….
a HEADACHE to me !!!!

When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i’ll take u an eye specialist !!

If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage

During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.

The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish,too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled “It really works!”

LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire….. continues with smoke…..and ends in ashes…
But dont worry – we are chain smokers

ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best

True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow

Dear Friend,

when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock

ARE U REALLY DEAF ?

I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I’LL NEVER DRINK water….!!!

when i call u;
1 ring means i’m thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ………pick d phone idiot

Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence …
Student : WOW !

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..

History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir….

Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler commited suicide

Gr8 One

January to december
sunday to saturday
Am to Pm
My feelings for u have never changed…….
u….
R….
always….
a HEADACHE to me !!!!

When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i’ll take u an eye specialist !!

If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage

During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.

The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish,too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled “It really works!”

LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire….. continues with smoke…..and ends in ashes…
But dont worry – we are chain smokers

ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best

True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow

Dear Friend,

when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock

ARE U REALLY DEAF ?

I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I’LL NEVER DRINK water….!!!

when i call u;
1 ring means i’m thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ………pick d phone idiot

Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence …
Student : WOW !

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..

History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir….

Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler commited suicide

Ind Pak Unity

Unwritten Rules

Some Rules that NEWTON forgot to mention

Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start
to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an
engaged tone.

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible corner.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because
you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know
increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine
won’t work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle
arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your
boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is
cold.

Jappier’s Spoken English

In Tamilnadu, there is a well known person by name, Mr. Jeppier ,
Chairman of Sathyabama deemed university and some more self financing
colleges, always speaks in English. Thatcollege s tudents have
collected & published a book by name “Jappier’s Spoken English”
…. Njoy ………..with his…………..English…………..

Now, here are some classic English sentences from the great
“Jappier’s Spoken English”

# At the ground:
—————–
All of you stand in a straight circle. (Straigh circle)
There is no wind in the balloon. (ballon without air…fushhh)
The girl with the mirror please comes her…{Means: girl with specs
please come here).

# To a boy, angrily:
———————
I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?

# While punishing students:
———————–
You, rotate the ground four times…
You, go and understand the tree…
You three of you stand together separately.
Why are you late – say YES or NO …..(?)
# Sir at his best:
—————
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to
see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did no t see them.
So the next day at s school… (to that boy) – “Yesterday I saw you
WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre”

# Sir at his best inside the Class room:
———————————————-
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves – I will take the bigger half.
Shhh…Quiet, boys…the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor
You, meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)
This one is cool >> “Both of u three get out of the class.”
Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today…
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver…..
Take 5 cm wire of any length….

Last but not the least some Jeppiar experiences …

Once Sir had come late to a college function, by the time he reached,
the function had begun, so he went to the dais, and said, sorry I am
late, because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).

At Sathyabama college day 2002:

“This college strict u the worry no …. U get good marks, I the
happy, tomorrow u get good job, jpr the happy, tomorrow u marry I the
enjoy”

At St. Josephs college of engineering fresh years day 2003:

“No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police “

Prayer !!- Guys its worth reading

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.” The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want.”
The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me.”
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says ‘nothing’s wrong,’ and how I can make a woman truly happy.”
The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”